"Wow, you're so pretty", they said. I can recall when people would compliment me but I felt the exact opposite about myself. I was so blinded by my past mistakes that all I could see in myself when I looked in the mirror was guilt, hurt, shame, and insecurities. Truth is, I wasn't able to accept a compliment for what it was. Isn't it interesting how we look down on ourselves when we make a mistake, or do something that others may not approve of and create inner turmoil?--Which then creates insecurities. For me, this was exactly my situation.
To disguise my insecurities, I often found myself identifying and confirming my beauty through the lens of what media portrayed to be beautiful. I thought to myself: "I need to look this way or that way and then I'll be accepted and loved." The problem with this mindset is that you'll never feel good enough. At least I never did.
Looking back, I never announced to my friends that I was insecure. It was only noticed if you paid close attention to how I looked at myself in the mirror and the way I accepted the nice things people would say to me. You see, I was completely broken inside because of the choices that I made to give my heart, time, and energy to empty things in this world.
On the other hand, when I did start accepting the nice things spoken to me by my peers, I found myself relying on them. My heart became so receptive and dependent on people's approval. I thought to myself, "Oh no, this can't be good." I realized that I placed my confidence in the approval of my friends and romantic relationships. It seemed as if I ignored the misconception long enough it would work itself out. The longer I waited the more I realized that no person on this Earth could ever make me feel complete.
You may be wondering...
"Why were you insecure?"
Well here's why: I was insecure because I thought that if people didn't love me then I couldn't love myself either. I often allowed my past mistakes and decisions that I had made to dictate how I felt towards myself. I personally wanted to be everything a guy wanted but didn't know how to love everything about myself. I really had to understand the principle of loving me before anyone else could love me.
One day, I had an interesting thought: "When I have a precious baby girl I never want her to experience the negative situations of desiring people approval the way that I did." Now as of right now, I don't have children but God spoke to me through that thought. He began showing me that's exactly how he feels about me. God never desires for His precious daughters to go through the hurt, disappointments, and pain. He loves YOU just that much.
Isaiah 61:3 reads, "He will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair."
I encourage you to trade any insecurities for what God has for you! <3